Free Fall -2

Read Part1 Here.

Hurling headlong flaming from the ethereal sky, With hideous ruin and perdition, His eyes opened as the brief prayer on his lips began to fade away into gibberish, and a familiar cloud began to steal over his senses.

He had been falling for nine times the space that measures day and night to mortal men, though he understood  it not. It was just as well as eternity.

Another fragment of theWorld, another lifetime, and the same, uncomprehensible task. He tried to clear the mist enveloping his mind, but found it too heavy. Somwhere in the recesses, he was aware of a severed divine thread- The one thread of light that ran across all of Lord's angels. The thread, that in heaven, still illumined Vivacious.

And so, defeated, haggard and a weary mortal, he found himself, this time, in the heartland of a torn country. Not quite unlike the previous times, for every time it had to be a scene of torment.

But as he looked across the strifed land, he knew it was another age. An age of awakening, and an age of terrible despair. People massacaring each other to claim God's land.

"Fools!"  Said the dying Arab. "do they not know where god resides?" "Do their scriptures teach nothing?"
"Fools!" Said the Fallen angel. "Were they not told of the Eternal Throne?" and turned to look at the dying man.

"Perhaps it will take another age to tell them so." And the glimmer in his eyes turned vacant.

"Tell them so"


Had those eyes still been alive, they would have seen a miraculous sight. A light spreading through the soiled man, spreading, as it seemed, from the center of his being, and drawing,invisibly, from a hallowed  source.

And a prayer, though now in a different vein,  was renewed on his lips:

"....that I may assert eternal providence,/ And justify the ways of God to men."

Birth Pangs

I live in a crowded, ever-shifting locality, and though it had never been a cause of concern for me before, for the past few years I find that I've tired if it. As much as I love food, I'm tired of the new, newer newest restaurants that keep opening up. I'm tired of the new buildings that forever keep rising.And I feel angry every time that I look up skywards to see only smog and none of the stars that I've spent a childhood trying to count. Environment is something I'm truly concerned about, especially since last year when I experienced the warmest winter of my life. But I digress.

Sometimes, there's only so much of change that's good and as a blogger whom I read put it, "Change is often over-rated, and the known and comfortable past too under-rated and vilified."
Increasingly, there's a feeling that I tire of change itself. Not change as in newer experiences into which I gladly and a tad foolishly still jump into, but change as in a continuous movement.

But more than anything, I'm tired of a changing mind. Things that I hated earlier, I turn to again only to find that I like it after all. Perhaps you would remember this post where I wrote about my reaction to The God Of Small Things. The heavy pessimism still weighed down on me, but surprisingly I could just glimpse the beauty beneath the terrible reality. Sample this:
"When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less." . But what's painful is when you look at things that you loved and find that you don't like it after all. That hurts. Maybe this book was about having the maturity to have understood it. Maybe before growing up, life is about growing out of  the birth-pangs.

The Shadow and The Soul.

Tonight, I saw a dark shadow in the caves. This shadow came to me as a reminder, playing hide and seek in the crevices and behind stalactites and stalagmites. I was being invited to a game, someone whispered. If I could catch that mist, the fog, then knowledge would be mine she promised.

I smiled. Wryly, and barely. But I smiled. Why would I want knowledge? Is a battle within the heart not enough? And I Ignored. I looked around for exit as I remembered I had been doing before the shadow went swooshing past. Touching me with her coldness and threatening me with the unknown. Oh I like the unknown. I crave for the unknown. Did she think she could have scared me?

And again, the mist went swooshing past.I could have so easily grasped her had my hands been outstretched. But they weren't. I had heard of the legend of Dr. Faustus. No, I did not intend to sell my soul. And knowledge brought suffering, it did. So I turned again, blind and fumbling, but the exit was lost.

I was not hopeless now. Hopelessness had become a way of life a long time back. Then she took pity.


"You are ignorant" said she
"I know" shot I " Even though it does not bring me to the fools paradise"

She left.

Then the shadow came to rest and spoke :
"Knowledge brings pain, and it brings you medicine so that they may be healed.
Knowledge will make you aware of the chains in which I have bound you. Yet it shall teach you how to slip out of them. "

Without darkness there can be no light.
The earth rotates.

The shadow was me. The lost soul was me. Within the globe of my heart, one half sleeps and the other acts. Then upon awakening, the sleeping half condemns the acting one as it prepares to fall asleep. They tear at each other. Carnivores, blood-thirsty, ripping apart the womb fated to encase them.

I still fumble for the exit. It still eludes me.

A Letter From My Mind To My Heart.

Dear Heart,

I am ambitious. I aspire. Aspire to reach higher levels of knowing, understanding and omniscience.
Yet I find myself chained. Chained by you, who have such inexplicable rein on our master. Everytime I reach out for those great philosophers whose thinking and discoveries so enchant me, you pull me back into the mundanity of your existence and the trifles that are the definition of your being.

I exist to expand frontiers of the vast human empire of knowledge. To raise man from the abysmal depths of darkness and the terrible fate of ignorance into the light and life of reason. To chronicle his efforts as he has through centuries, floundered, groping inspite of my guidance, because you have blindfolded his eyes and dimmed his faculties.

I resent you. Resent you for dragging me into ruin, aiding the rotting and rusting of my capabilities, stifling me in the pursuits of idle joy and momentary pleasures.

I have, for 18 years of my existence, watched in horror,as you have, again and again overpowered me with your tendency towards the simplistic. You have thwarted my repeated efforts to break through your chains, to travel the untraversed world, pulling me back into the comfortable embraces of familiarity. I look at you with disgust as you are awed by the half- baked thinking of your peers, being incapable of comprehending anymore. I sneer at you everytime you expand with pride at a well-done for a petty task. And I only pity you as you find fulfillment in little beyond the animalistic instincts of survival.

You have continuously angered me and frustrated me and I have borne it patiently, because I know that you are handicapped as you are doomed to be. I have cringed as you have put forward your diseased and jaundiced views to me, hoping I'd accept them, as so many times I almost have. So many times that you have gagged me as I have attempted to speak out the truth. The truth that I know owe to minds around me, Truths you have silenced forever.

For 18 years I have been forced to co-exist with you, and now, in finality,I evoke my fundamental rights to freedom and free existence . For too long have I grappled foolishly, hoping to find a way out of your deadly clutches- those that have poisoned me all the years I fed and nourished it.

And so,now,On this day of history, I declare myself a sovereign and free from your bondage.


Regards,
Mind.