A Hangover.

I should have done the mandatory evaluation of the past year this year end too, but I didn't. But now, even with the new year in full throttle and resolutions all around, I find that I still have the 2009-hangover. I find that this is what usually happens when I try to leap over unpleasant stuff. Just like when in the junior school if I tried to leave out one of the nastier problem sums so that I could proceed with the rest of my home work, there was no way I could have done the rest of the homework in peace. There would be a continuous nagging, nagging, nagging.
Being a perfectionist has its own problems. But I digress.

Also, there should be some Calendar system in which, every new year begins on a Monday. I don't think that starting a Brand-new-year on a Friday is entirely nice. But I digress again.

So even while I agree with the historians who say that assessment can only be done after you put yourself at a distance because perspective and detachment is necessary, I found that I must sit again with a diary and a pen to my yearly ritual. What came out of it is not important, but what I realised of it is.
Its important to close the gates to past before moving on to the present, and the doorways to the future must forever be open, always holding dreams to keep stealing  glimpses of.

To wishes being realised this new year:
Cheers.

The Chaos Theory.

Have you ever heard of the chaos theory?
It is a science.
It tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems. Weather, Ocean Currents, that sort of things. Well, it turns out that there are few things more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Speeding up, Slowing down. A pretty face, A flight of stairs.
It's always changing depending on what's happening.It's an erratic son of a b***h. But underneath all that bump-a-ta-bump mess, there is, in fact, a pattern.


A Truth.


And it is love.


The most important thing about love is that we choose to give it.....And we choose to recieve it.
Making it the least random act in the entire universe.
It transcends blood, and it transcends betrayal.
And all the dirt that makes us human.


This year-end, Figure That out.


P.S: my VLC media player has a red cap on its icon(with a fluff of cotton at the end), Though I still have no idea how on earth that happens every year. And I am wearing woollens. So yes, All Is Well.

A New Begining..........

........and the first one for my blog.

I spent my day studying as i usually like spending my 1st Januarys.....just a kind of superstition that I have. You spend the entire year doing what you do on the first. So today was a day spent in exhaustive brain activity. Ive long nourished a secret ambition of becoming a workaholic. Looks as if im getting closer to that year by year. Liking my studies more and more.....If only I could ignore the absolutely vast periods of lethargy that would put even hibernating creatures to shame.

I love the modern century. Its so fascinatingly complex. Makes you realise the fragility of man in his entirety.The helplesness it itself faces from a world changed by him alone- willingly and eagerly. the modern man...confused rather than being empowered. Unable to cope with his rapidly changing psyche.Man is at new crossroads in his eternal quest to discover the self. And he must survive the harsh winds of change that threaten to tear him apart.-winds he's churned up himself.

"the woods are lovely, dark and deep....
but i have promises to keep...
and miles to go before i sleep"

Ive got many promises to keep. Most of them to myself. Somehow I dont really like promising things to other people.Unlike the ones you make to yourself you cant break them.

Newer beginings, Newer adventures, Newer awakenings.

15 minutes before an new begining.

At my tuitions today, I was halfway through trying to decipher Marvell. That man writes such brain twisting poetry , i feel absolutely confident that i could understand Kafka or Freud with lesser effort. Not to mention the absolute grotesquness he seems to take such delight in.My personal opinion is that he was a sadist. But I digress.

Sir called us out on to the balcony to show us the moon.A fine crescent with an 'ask' of the whole moon in a blurred but nevertheless, bright form.......its kinda hard to explain, but beautiful.. just the perfect sight to end my year with....two lines from Harivansh Rai Bachchan's poem keeps playing in my mind.( u kno the way some tunes get inside your head and you cant just seem to make it go??? Like That.)
"जीवन में एक सितारा था .....माना वोह बेहद प्यारा था........
जो बीत गई, वोह बात गई...."

New year sort of marks the end of christmas........not that I celebrate either...but you would know what I mean.Looking forward to oh-nine.....the first part of oh-eight was amazing,and so was the last part in its boringness. I stopped making resolutions way, way back....maybe in class eight. I couldn't be sure. But the reason I stopped was that I usually forgot what resolution I had made in the first place. I always had a strong suspicion that it was to study harder, but then i really didnt like believing in that so I preferred suffering from selective amnesia.

Anyways, ill make a resolution this year. or even better, ill make two.
1. Remembering B'Days
2. Blogging more.

the second one's funny, considering no one really reads my posts( save over-interested siblings who have noses a foot long each); but i always wrote only for myself. im hopeless at the first one but i can always try. We always feel that way at year- ends don't we???

Ill hope for brighter stars this new year.